The Dam Notice  





This is  an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a pond on his  property. It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental  Quality, State of Pennsylvania . This guy's response is hilarious, but  read the State's letter before you get to the response letter.  



SUBJECT:  DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming   County

Dear Mr.  DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of  Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on  the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the  legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized  activity: Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the  outlet stream of Spring Pond.


A permit must be issued prior to  the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files  shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has  determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes  and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act  451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of  the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.


The Department has  been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a  recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations.  


We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and  cannot be permitted.

The Department therefore orders you to cease  and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a  free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from  the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than  January 31, 2008.  

Please notify  this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up  site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this  request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in  this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.. We anticipate  and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel  free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.  

Sincerely,

David L. Price
District Representative and  Water Management Division.


Here is  the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:  


Re: DEQ  File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr.  Price,

Your certified letter dated 11/25/07 has been handed to me  to respond to.
I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088  Dagget Lane , Trout Run, Pennsylvania .

A couple of beavers are in  the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood  "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not  pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be  highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building  materials "debris."

I would like to challenge your department to  attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose.  I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their  dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam  persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.  



These are the  beavers/contractors you are seeking. As to your request, I do not think  the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to  the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to  you is:

(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond  Beavers, or

(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State  to conform to said dam request?

If you are not discriminating  against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act,  I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam  permits that have been issued.

(Perhaps we will see if there  really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the  Natural Resource and Environmental
Protection Act, Act 451 of the  Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the  Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.)

I have several concerns.  My first concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation?  The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay  for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a  dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the  dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that  this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect.  In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than  harassing them and calling them dam names.

If you want the stream  "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but  if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention  to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.

In my  humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their  unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water  flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy  Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental  Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources  (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

So, as far as the  beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more  elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2008? The  Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way  for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them.

In conclusion, I  would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality,  health, problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually  defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting  the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to  investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! The bears are not careful  where they dump!

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and  being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending  this response to your dam office.

THANK YOU,

RYAN DEVRIES  
& THE DAM BEAVERS

THIS IS FOR ALL MY CANADIAN FRIENDS!

 

Because Everyone In Canada Lives In An Igloo.


Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter
Olympics, these are some questions people from all over the world are
asking. Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted
on an International Tourism Website. Obviously the answers are a
joke but the questions were really asked!

Q:I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?(England )
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and
watch them die.

Q:Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q:I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto -can I follow the Railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q:Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? ( Sweden )
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada ? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto , Vancouver , Edmonton and Halifax ? ( England )
A: What, did your last slave die?

Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q:Which direction is North in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ?( England )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it.
Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? ( Germany )
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada ?( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round?( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada , but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. ( USA )
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the one's who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.  If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.



Friends are like balloons; once you let them go, you can't get them back. So I'm gonna tie you to my heart so I never lose you.

Dear Children,

It has come to my attention that many of you are upset that folks are
taking My name out of the season. Maybe you've forgotten that I wasn't
actually born during this time of the year and that it was some of
your predecessors who decided to celebrate My birthday on what was
actually a time of pagan festival. Although I do appreciate being
remembered anytime.



How I personally feel about this celebration can probably be most
easily understood by those of you who have been blessed with children
of your own. I don't care what you call the day. If you want to
celebrate My birth, just GET ALONG AND LOVE ONE ANOTHER.


Now, having said that let Me go on. If it bothers you that the town in
which you live doesn't allow a scene depicting My birth, then just get
rid of a couple of Santas and snowmen and put in a small Nativity
scene on your own front lawn. If all My followers did that there
wouldn't be any need for such a scene on the town square because there
would be many of them all around town.


Stop worrying about the fact that people are calling the tree a
holiday tree, instead of a Christmas tree. It was I who made all
trees. You can remember Me anytime you see any tree. Decorate a grape
vine if you wish: I actually spoke of that one in a teaching,
explaining who I am in relation to you and what each of our tasks
were. If you have forgotten that one, look up John 15: 1 - 8.

If you want to give Me a present in remembrance of My birth here is my
wish list. Choose something from it:


1. Instead of writing protest letters objecting to the way My birthday
is being celebrated, write letters of love and hope to soldiers away
from home. They are terribly afraid and lonely this time of year. I
know, they tell Me all the time.

2. Visit someone in a nursing home. You don't have to know them
personally. They just need to know that someone cares about them.

3. Instead of writing George complaining about the wording on the
cards his staff sent out this year, why don't you write and tell him
that you'll be praying for him and his family this year. Then follow
up. It will be nice hearing from you again.


4. Instead of giving your children a lot of gifts you can't afford and
they don't need, spend time with them. Tell them the story of My
birth, and why I came to live with you down here. Hold them in your
arms and remind them that I love them.

5. Pick someone that has hurt you in the past and forgive him or her.

6. Did you know that someone in your town will attempt to take their
own life this season because they feel so alone and hopeless? Since
you don't know who that person is, try giving everyone you meet a warm
smile; it could make the difference.

7. Instead of nit picking about what the retailer in your town calls
the holiday, be patient with the people who work there. Give them a
warm smile and a kind word. Even if they aren't allowed to wish you a
'Merry Christmas' that doesn't keep you from wishing them one. Then
stop shopping there on Sunday. If the store didn't make so much money
on that day they'd close and let their employees spend the day at home
with their families


8. If you really want to make a difference, support a missionary--
especially one who takes My love and Good News to those who have never
heard My name.


9. Here's a good one. There are individuals and whole families in your
town who not only will have no 'Christmas' tree, but neither will they
have any presents to give or receive. If you don't know them, buy some
food and a few gifts and give them to the Salvation Army or some other
charity which believes in Me and they will make the delivery for you.

10. Finally, if you want to make a statement about your belief in and
loyalty to Me, then behave like a Christian. Don't do things in secret
that you wouldn't do in My presence. Let people know by your actions
that you are one of mine.


Don't forget; I am God and can take care of Myself. Just love Me and
do what I have told you to do. I'll take care of all the rest. Check
out the list above and get to work; time is short. I'll help you, but
the ball is now in your court. And do have a most blessed Christmas
with all those whom you love and remember : I LOVE YOU, JESUS